HOW BDD AFFECTS LIVES – SOCIAL CONCEQUENCES – OTHER PROBLEMS: SHOPPING AND LEISURE ACTIVITIES
“I restrict going places,” Jerry said. He was a 45-year-old man who’d had BDD for 20 years. “When I go out, I feel worse and uglier. It’s hard to go to the store. I have to boost myself to go. I’m afraid I won’t fit in. I constantly worry that people are scrutinizing me and criticizing me. I get incredibly anxious and panicked standing in line because I look so awful, and I think everyone is noticing how ugly I am. Emotionally, I feel like someone’s holding a gun to my head. I try to convince myself it’s not a big deal, but sometimes I leave the line in a panic, and I go and look at cookware because it calms me down.”
People with BDD typically avoid many types of situations and activities because they’re so self-conscious, depressed, anxious, or fearful—public transportation, clothes and food shopping, leisure activities, restaurants, going outside on windy days, and other types of everyday activities. Robert avoided all these. “I’m afraid if people see me they might say to themselves ‘Oh, gee, look at that guy. Isn’t he gross looking?’ I think people laugh at me. I avoid public transportation because of it. I can’t get on the subway without hyperventilating. I stay in my apartment more. And I postpone grocery shopping. I usually go at night, because people won’t see me on the way there, and there won’t be as many people in the store.”
Like Robert, some people get their mail, shop, and perform other necessary activities under cover of darkness. They avoid clothing stores and shopping malls because of the plethora of mirrors. “There are so many mirrors there— you can’t avoid them. Everywhere I look I see myself and how gross I am,” one woman told me. “Sometimes I suddenly leave stores when I see my reflection.” She eventually bought her clothes only through catalogs. Others keep their distance from mirrors when trying on and buying clothes. One man stood about 20 feet from the mirror when trying on clothes. “Or, if I get up close, I have to look at the clothes with my head down so I can’t see my face,” he said. “Otherwise I’ll freak out.” In my second series of 200 people with BDD, about three quarters said they had problems doing household duties, caring for their children, or doing errands because of BDD or another mental disorder (BDD was usually the reason).
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